Hey Wiped

[Wiped]

Like I said, I faithfully used cpap for 2 1/2 years. I used sleepyhead; I had a comfortable mask, my AHIs were consistently under five, after some weight loss it was between 0 - 1.5. I've had blood tests for testosterone, thyroid, B, D, iron, etc. Everything is within normal ranges.

I now am broke; living off a credit card and the charity of others. When that runs out, which will be soon, I will be homeless. Quality of life matters; there is no intrinsic value in living. If I have to drag my exhausted ass through the day, then it's not worth it. Life has become joyless and grueling. All I want is to feel rested. Rested. Just rested. CPAP didn't work and I tried. The only reason I posted here the other day was I saw a well meaning exhortation that suicide is bad, and I just had to disagree. I belong to a discussion group chaired by a psychologist that looks at suicide. She is getting a good lesson in reality in that many are reporting their physiological misery and the hopelessness of finding remedy. A 20 year old who is bummed over his crappy social life isn't in the same boat as a 55 year old who has a chronic illness. I just want to sleep and feel rested; I ask no more of life and yet I can't have that.

[lliann]

Like I said, I faithfully used cpap for 2 1/2 years. I used sleepyhead; I had a comfortable mask, my AHIs were consistently under five, after some weight loss it was between 0 - 1.5. I've had blood tests for testosterone, thyroid, B, D, iron, etc. Everything is within normal ranges.

I now am broke; living off a credit card and the charity of others. When that runs out, which will be soon, I will be homeless. Quality of life matters; there is no intrinsic value in living. If I have to drag my exhausted ass through the day, then it's not worth it. Life has become joyless and grueling. All I want is to feel rested. Rested. Just rested. CPAP didn't work and I tried. The only reason I posted here the other day was I saw a well meaning exhortation that suicide is bad, and I just had to disagree. I belong to a discussion group chaired by a psychologist that looks at suicide. She is getting a good lesson in reality in that many are reporting their physiological misery and the hopelessness of finding remedy. A 20 year old who is bummed over his crappy social life isn't in the same boat as a 55 year old who has a chronic illness. I just want to sleep and feel rested; I ask no more of life and yet I can't have that.

Have you checked into local social services? There can be many things available, housing, food, medical care. If you are employed, can you apply for disability? I understand the hopelessness of feeling powerless over outcome. None of my thoughts are about any kind of judgement, but only of solutions. I wish you well.

[Wiped]

Have you checked into local social services? There can be many things available, housing, food, medical care. If you are employed, can you apply for disability? I understand the hopelessness of feeling powerless over outcome. None of my thoughts are about any kind of judgement, but only of solutions. I wish you well.

I haven't checked social services. I doubt disability is an option; I'm diagnosed with sleep apnea and I'm technically "treated."

[TedVPAP]

Have you checked into local social services? There can be many things available, housing, food, medical care. If you are employed, can you apply for disability? I understand the hopelessness of feeling powerless over outcome. None of my thoughts are about any kind of judgement, but only of solutions. I wish you well.

I haven't checked social services. I doubt disability is an option; I'm diagnosed with sleep apnea and I'm technically "treated."

There are some very knowledgeable people on this forum. I suggest you blank out any personal information and post your sleep study reports. And post your better sleephead reports (see the three links below for help).

[Wiped]

There are some very knowledgeable people on this forum. I suggest you blank out any personal information and post your sleep study reports. And post your better sleephead reports (see the three links below for help).

I used to post here.

And with that I request that this thread or at least my posts be deleted; I am drowning, miserable and trying to drag everyone down with me.

DELETE

[TedVPAP]

There are some very knowledgeable people on this forum. I suggest you blank out any personal information and post your sleep study reports. And post your better sleephead reports (see the three links below for help).

I used to post here.

And with that I request that this thread or at least my posts be deleted; I am drowning, miserable and trying to drag everyone down with me.

DELETE

That was then - this is now.
You have nothing to lose.

[MaxINTJ]

Like I said, I faithfully used cpap for 2 1/2 years. I used sleepyhead; I had a comfortable mask, my AHIs were consistently under five, after some weight loss it was between 0 - 1.5. I've had blood tests for testosterone, thyroid, B, D, iron, etc. Everything is within normal ranges.

This sounds like the past tense - have you stopped xPAP? How long ago?

I now am broke; living off a credit card and the charity of others. When that runs out, which will be soon, I will be homeless. Quality of life matters; there is no intrinsic value in living. If I have to drag my exhausted ass through the day, then it's not worth it. Life has become joyless and grueling. All I want is to feel rested. Rested. Just rested. CPAP didn't work and I tried. The only reason I posted here the other day was I saw a well meaning exhortation that suicide is bad, and I just had to disagree. I belong to a discussion group chaired by a psychologist that looks at suicide. She is getting a good lesson in reality in that many are reporting their physiological misery and the hopelessness of finding remedy. A 20 year old who is bummed over his crappy social life isn't in the same boat as a 55 year old who has a chronic illness. I just want to sleep and feel rested; I ask no more of life and yet I can't have that.

I don't get any useful rest either. I have not seen the "wonderful" effects of xPAP.

Just wondering if something else is going on in your life other than sleep apnea that is causing some of your situation.

[Wiped]

This sounds like the past tense - have you stopped xPAP? How long ago?

It's been a couple of months since I used it. I feel better without it.

I don't get any useful rest either. I have not seen the "wonderful" effects of xPAP.

Just wondering if something else is going on in your life other than sleep apnea that is causing some of your situation.

It's totally and 100% a sleep issue, it came on in January 2014 suddenly overnight. Without rest life is nothing more than a burden to be endured, a grueling effort at fighting fatigue just to live to do it again another day. Quality of life is important.

[MaxINTJ]

It's been a couple of months since I used it. I feel better without it.

I guess I missed some part of this - what happens when you use it? Did you "sleep" when you used it and you just felt lousy the next day or did it disturb your "sleep"?

Now that you're not using it, do you "sleep" through the night or are your nights disturbed?

There are a lot of different causes of not getting proper, deep, restful sleep - apnea is just one of them.

It's totally and 100% a sleep issue, it came on in January 2014 suddenly overnight.

What actually happened that day/night? What occurred that you remember it so well?

Without rest life is nothing more than a burden to be endured, a grueling effort at fighting fatigue just to live to do it again another day. Quality of life is important.

Agreed, quality of life is important, as is proper rest. xPAP has not been successful - on it's own. If you have multiple issues, it may take multiple solutions. Only a properly qualified sleep expert would be able to diagnose everything that's going on. Untreated depression can also affect sleep quality.

[Wiped]

What actually happened that day/night? What occurred that you remember it so well?

I woke up exhausted, the beginning of the end.

Agreed, quality of life is important, as is proper rest. xPAP has not been successful - on it's own. If you have multiple issues, it may take multiple solutions. Only a properly qualified sleep expert would be able to diagnose everything that's going on. Untreated depression can also affect sleep quality.

Doctors are over. I haven't got any money, and if I did I wouldn't waste it on another goddamn doctor.

[Lucyhere]

There are some very knowledgeable people on this forum. I suggest you blank out any personal information and post your sleep study reports. And post your better sleephead reports (see the three links below for help).

I used to post here.

And with that I request that this thread or at least my posts be deleted; I am drowning, miserable and trying to drag everyone down with me.

DELETE

You aren't dragging me down with you... I can do that on my own. I'm trying to think of something to say that hasn't been said already, but I can't come up with anything. I do think that you are asking for help. What's the harm in posting some data? It can't hurt and might just help. Maybe it's as simple as your therapy isn't optimized which would make anyone feel not rested. Feeling even a little more rested than you feel right now might help you make more positive decisions. Think about it... please.

[Wiped]

You aren't dragging me down with you... I can do that on my own. I'm trying to think of something to say that hasn't been said already, but I can't come up with anything. I do think that you are asking for help. What's the harm in posting some data? It can't hurt and might just help. Maybe it's as simple as your therapy isn't optimized which would make anyone feel not rested. Feeling even a little more rested than you feel right now might help you make more positive decisions. Think about it... please.

I did the whole posting data thing, nothing came of it. I don't have a computer anymore anyway. 2 1/2 years of cpap compliance with stellar numbers on my machine and on "sleepy head." Now the machine makes me feel worse than not using it. I gave it a try, and I'm just one of the unlucky few who don't get that "burst of energy" that was promised.

[Lucyhere]

You aren't dragging me down with you... I can do that on my own. I'm trying to think of something to say that hasn't been said already, but I can't come up with anything. I do think that you are asking for help. What's the harm in posting some data? It can't hurt and might just help. Maybe it's as simple as your therapy isn't optimized which would make anyone feel not rested. Feeling even a little more rested than you feel right now might help you make more positive decisions. Think about it... please.

I did the whole posting data thing, nothing came of it. I don't have a computer anymore anyway. 2 1/2 years of cpap compliance with stellar numbers on my machine and on "sleepy head." Now the machine makes me feel worse than not using it. I gave it a try, and I'm just one of the unlucky few who don't get that "burst of energy" that was promised.

"burst of energy"... I don't even know what that is. That's never happened to me either. The only thing I'm sure of is that my body needs oxygen... which is still what I think about every time I put my mask on. Right now I'm trying a new one... a FFM because mouth breathing has become worse and the collar thing doesn't work for me. I hate every minute of it... but I'm trying. Is it possible your pressure(s) need to be bumped up a little? Sometimes the slightest tweak makes a big difference.

[Wiped]

"burst of energy"... I don't even know what that is. That's never happened to me either. The only thing I'm sure of is that my body needs oxygen... which is still what I think about every time I put my mask on. Right now I'm trying a new one... a FFM because mouth breathing has become worse and the collar thing doesn't work for me. I hate every minute of it... but I'm trying. Is it possible your pressure(s) need to be bumped up a little? Sometimes the slightest tweak makes a big difference.

My pressure has been increased, decreased, epr on, then off, different masks, switched to straight cpap, ramp off, ramp on, etc., etc., etc. The one constant is that I wake up exhausted. I have nothing to look forward to but one grueling day after another. Quality of life matters.

[Lucyhere]

Quality of life matters.

Yes, of course it does. But there is something to be said for helping yourself. I can only say that because I've been there. There is help out there... you just have to be willing to find it. And, it's not always about having the money to get help. I doubt there is a city that doesn't have a community health agency/social services or the equivalent. You have access to a computer. Plug in your city and see what comes up along those lines. Be assertive. No one cares more about you than you do.