CPAP Stand Up (Humor)
Posted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 9:05 am
Leave it to modern medical science to find a cure funnier than the symptoms. Can you imagine the laughs the doctor got when he pitched this therapy. “Now get this, it involves a pump, a hose, masks and a strap on to improve people’s performance in bed. And here is the best part. This is to stop snoring.” Laugh now, but the same doctor is working on a cure for enlarged prostrate.
I used to think I was pretty good at sleeping, now I go to bed every night knowing I literally suck.
Inflatable mattresses are all the rage now, but I am the first on my block with a sleep number head.
Remember the good old nights where the only leaks you worried about involved a late night stumble into the bathroom.
Sure you may laugh because my wife goes to bed with an inflatable bed partner, but when was the last time you got a prescription from your doctor to get blown?
Think we got it bad, you should see the horse drawn CPAPs the Amish use.
The look on a person’s face is priceless when I tell them I attach my hose to the wall in order to sleep at night.
CPAP - The other way to use silicone to inflate your chest.
According to my wife, with CPAP it’s the first time I had more air going in one end than coming out the other at night.
Though she and the kids sure miss their nightly game of “How many seconds before he starts breathing again?”
At first I was a little amused when she asked me to start calling her Clarisse, but it kind of freaked me out when she got that cinnamon bun hairdo and started referring to my part of the bed as the “Dark Side”.
You know you have adapted well to this therapy when you are happy that your bald spot it there to keep your head gear from slipping.
I guess I should be thrilled that my Apnea is being treated, but now I have to check in to rehab to help cure my silicone addiction. I don’t even want to get into how much money I’ve been sticking up my nose.
How come, instead of the good baseball analogies like “getting to third base” or “hitting a home run”, the only one associated with CPAP is “Rain Out”?
I used to think I was pretty good at sleeping, now I go to bed every night knowing I literally suck.
Inflatable mattresses are all the rage now, but I am the first on my block with a sleep number head.
Remember the good old nights where the only leaks you worried about involved a late night stumble into the bathroom.
Sure you may laugh because my wife goes to bed with an inflatable bed partner, but when was the last time you got a prescription from your doctor to get blown?
Think we got it bad, you should see the horse drawn CPAPs the Amish use.
The look on a person’s face is priceless when I tell them I attach my hose to the wall in order to sleep at night.
CPAP - The other way to use silicone to inflate your chest.
According to my wife, with CPAP it’s the first time I had more air going in one end than coming out the other at night.
Though she and the kids sure miss their nightly game of “How many seconds before he starts breathing again?”
At first I was a little amused when she asked me to start calling her Clarisse, but it kind of freaked me out when she got that cinnamon bun hairdo and started referring to my part of the bed as the “Dark Side”.
You know you have adapted well to this therapy when you are happy that your bald spot it there to keep your head gear from slipping.
I guess I should be thrilled that my Apnea is being treated, but now I have to check in to rehab to help cure my silicone addiction. I don’t even want to get into how much money I’ve been sticking up my nose.
How come, instead of the good baseball analogies like “getting to third base” or “hitting a home run”, the only one associated with CPAP is “Rain Out”?
