Help!! - Newly Diagnosed - Suicidal

[dllfo]

By all means, give this xpap stuff time to help you.

It would seem you reached the limits of your therapist, not yourself. I cannot imagine a therapist telling someone something like that.

I have felt much better since starting the Xpap. I got lots of good advice here and so will you...BUT YOU HAVE TO TALK TO US.

Don't worry, the advice won't be from me. We have adults here who not only are knowledgeable, they are kind hearted. Two very important ingredients to any solution.

Good luck.....

[Jere]

People find a lot of support on this board. I have have been on and off this board for almost year and it is truly wonderful.

I have been fighting with depression and anxiety most of my life. I have taken all sorts of meds. After all those years of looking for the "cure" that would make me "normal" and never finding it, I finally gave up and began to realize really all I should expect was to cope; to take each day as it comes and get through it. There will always be good days and there will always be bad days. The meds help, therapy helps, and xpap helps. I don't think that xpap has helped with my underlying depression (something I inherited), but it does help me sleep better and feel better. For me, xpap is another tool in my personal tool chest that helps me cope and helps me make it from one day to the next.

Everyone needs different tools to cope. I hope that xpap is helpful for you and that you find a little peace through it.

[datasmom]

I think the question is: Can cpap "cure" depression? I've had depression all my life. I've had fibromyalgia for almost fifteen years. I've been on cpap a little over two months now.

My answer to the question is that I'm not cured but I'm a hundred per cent better. Is it worth it? Yes. Yes. Yes.

My husband is going to have to get a sleep study so he can keep up with me. Just the other day I heard him tell someone, "She's so much better, she's wearing me out. She wants to do things now. She's driving me crazy."

When I have to stand for long periods of time or when I walk on concrete floors, the fibro pain still flares. I still have what I now know are symptoms of depression.... but the difference is that they are no longer ruling my life. I can sit at my desk and do my job and come away with little more than a stiff neck instead of being totally drained, I can shut off the panic attacks, the incredible debilitating anxiety.

Yesterday morning we got up at five a.m. (on a Saturday no less!!!! ) and went fishing. I haven't done anything like this in years, haven't been able to..... On the car ride to the lake, I looked around and thought to myself, "I'm happy. What a novel feeling!"

So, is cpap effective in treating depression? Yes, I believe it is. Does it cure everything? No..... I still can't fly cast worth a durn... but that's another story. (I did catch two fish.... one was about two inches long, the other was a whopping span of my hand!!!)

Give cpap a try, as a person who has spent the majority of their life struggling with depression and pain, I say it's definitely worth trying. Staying alive is one thing, quality of life is quite another. Hang on to both.

L

[Rapunzel111]

Hang in there,Sweetie.No need to be ashamed ...we're all friends here.
Lack of quality sleep can cause a lot of unnecessary suffering,and you never know how extreme it was until you try CPAP and feel better.The brain rules the body and sleep heals both of them.CPAP is absolutely worth a try.Be prepared to invest some patience in ''trying'' it though.I am hoping everything improves in your life.
God Bless you.
Pleasant dreams to you and all who read this.
-Rapunzel111

[cacadd94]

Hello, i to was on a ton of meds, but i now have an awesome nurse practioner and he has weaned me off all but one, my cymbalta!!
Yeah, no more addiction!! What i found out is that all those meds can actually give you so many side effects that it makes your depression and axiety ten times worse!!!! It is a vicous cycle, more problems, more meds, more problems, more meds. Before yu know it, your 300 and some pounds when you were only 150 before all of that stuff!!! And then because you weigh so much you start to get more depressed because you hate your body!!! But i am now on cymbalta a new drug with excellent results, i have finally outgrown that depression anxiety crap and moved on with my life and enjoying everyday to the fullest. Dont worry about the past or the future, just live for today and enjoy what is right in front of yu!! Some one told me live one day at a time, it is the best advice i ever got!!!!! As for the meds, i am now able to feel everything and experience all of my feelings just like everyone else. It is amazing, not to be a zomby anymore!!!
I dont think there is enough research yet to tell those drs what kind of combinations are right for each person. And they end up putting you on tons and tons experimenting with your life like you are a guine pig. I just dont think they really know, and it just ends up hurting the good people out there. But this is not an opinion for people that are severly insane. I am saying this because i had babies and my hormones went out of wack. But if i would of just not been such a pill poper ten years ago i would not be busting my ass to get this huge amount of weight off. Oh well, im not going to get depressed about it.
lots of love,april

[Ashamed to register]

I am still hanging in here, but feel pretty desperate. My sleep doctor gave me something called alprazolam to relieve the anxiety. He said to take it up to three tablets per day. I am taking one tablet only at bedtime because it really knocks me out. Still feel quiet anxious and sleepy during the day.

I am laying around a lot during the day and this irritates my wife badly. She says I should get up and stay active all day but I am not able to do it.

Thanks for all your kind words.

[krousseau]

Glad you posted again.
Alprazolam is Xanax. Unfortunately it can add to depression. Does your insurance have mental health benefits? It might be time to see a psychiatrist who knows a lot about psychopharmacology. Most of the people I know seeing a psychiatrist are seeing one for medication only and see psychologists and other therapists for the talking part. It is difficult for people who are depressed to get up and do anything-and it is hard on spouses watching the depressed person getting more depressed.
Can you make a contract with your wife to do one thing a day that you are not doing now? Nothing big or involved. Make it something you think is so incredibly quick and easy that it doesn't seem worth doing (maybe nothing seems easy or quick-find something). Do that today then extend it a little. For some people it is getting out of bed, then getting out of bed and brushing your teeth, then add getting dressed. Taking out the garbage may seem like a depressing task-but if you make it symbolic of throwing out your own emotional garbage it can be helpful. It could be checking on to the forum every day-ask questions about your CPAP. Or it could be getting out the yellow pages and hunting the name of a new therapist today-making the call tomorrow.

[birdshell]

krousseau is RIGHT ON! She is very wise.

It can take a long time to treat depression effectively. If the depression drug therapy does not work--it may be something else, which requires different medication.

Keep trying different psychiatrists and therapists. While they can seem as if they know what they are doing, it may not be the best treatment for you. It is a personal thing, the patient/provider relationship. Sometimes one has to kiss a lot of frogs before finding the prince/princess. Did you marry the first person you ever dated?

Your wife will have a difficult time empathizing with your condition. Your doctor and therapist should be able to help her with this. I know that I tried to be understanding of my brother, but until I developed my own full-blown problems, I did not TRULY even have an idea of what he faces daily.

PLEASE, PLEASE REGISTER! You have more to gain from some of us private messaging you. There are some things we can say that way that would not be appropriate for the general forum. They may be just the things that you need.

While my depression has taken a long time to treat even half-way well, I finally found the psychiatrist for me. In so many ways, he is a prince of a doctor.

Please keep looking until you find the right one for you. There are many developments in the field, and the doctor who keeps informed may find the ideal treatment for you.

My psychiatrist recommended a sleep study, and now CPAP has changed my life in subtle ways. They are significant! I still have depression, but am able to think more clearly and be more energetic.

Please keep looking for the good in every situation. You may find out how many lives you have touched in important ways if you are around to be told. .
_________________

CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): CPAP

[reallyasleep]

Hang in there. After years of being treated by the psych. dept. they finally had the bright idea that I might have a sleep disorder. Although it took a year to get to the bottom of it all, it has been worth it. They were able to correct my RLS, Circadian rhythm disturbance and both central and obstructive apnea. I was at the end of my rope, literally, and now I feel really terrific.
Good luck.
reallysleeping

[kteague]

I wanted to dance and shout when I saw you had posted again. Please pursue getting your personal utmost from cpap therapy. Can't help but believe each next step will become increasingly clearer as you give your weary brain something to work with. By the time you do register, you'll probably choose a user name like "RUHappyNow" or "AlrightAlready". Don't mean to bug ya, we just care. Please keep us posted (pun not intended but pretty good, huh).
Kathy

[roztom]

Unless someone has been locked inside a mind that has experienced Severe Depression there is no way for them to relate to it. It comes like a wave that engulfs you and all the light goes out. You are surrounded by darkness. It's like the darkside takes over and you cannot see or even remember the light.

Unless someone has been there it is too abstract to imagine. Emotional pain that overwealms logic and common sense.

There have been many good suggestions here. FInding a Psychiatrist who specializes in pharmacology would be my first suggestion. Today there are so many good medications that when appropriately put together and titrated can stabilize your condition. Usually it takes a while for them to work.

The goos news is this all comes down to a choice. Many have been there also and as appropriate an extreme response might seem at the time it is a passing, transient chemical response. What seems so clear at the time, in retrospect, will seem so absurd.

YOu need to decide to disregard the negative processes running in your mind and try to remember when under the extreme influence of depression to realize that you are not qualified to make important decisions - especially about your life.

I read a suggestion about a note to yourself. Consider a tape recording of yourself on a good day talking to yourself, reminding yourself about the feelings that you are feeling at the time are extreme and distorted, talk to yourself and if things get rough, play your tape - remind yourself what the light feels like and that the storm clouds will pass.

If you can't yet stop it from happening you can anticipate your cycle and preposition some tools to help yourself thru it.

Keep us informed. MAny here have walked in your shoes.

Best,

Tom

[tomjax]

Suicide is a very painful subject for me.
I am not suicidal nor do I think I have ever been clinically depressed, But I do know about it as a suicide victim or survivor of someone very close to me who chose this way out when I was 14 years old.

Not sure what I can do for you but let you know how it can affect survivors

I wrote a chapter in my memoirs that was very painful for me.
If you send me an IM, I will share this with you.
I will guarantee you it will give you a very different perspective.
Just an offer. I hope your kids, if you have any, never have to write of such an experience.

tomjax at yahoo.com

[kteague]

To everyone who has posted to this thread - I am so touched by the outpouring of caring and comfort for our welcome guest. While I've never felt the need to be a real private person (in case you haven't already guessed my nickname is Chatty Kathy), I'm sure for some of you to be so transparent was not in your comfort zone. Yet, for the sake of someone else's pain you chose to revisit your own. I've always believed that our difficulties have redemptive value in the lives of others, and are not for our one time use. So many times in life I have been encouraged by another who indeed had already walked a mile in my shoes!

To our guest - One fine day - maybe before you even realize how far you've come - I expect you'll find youself sharing with some hurting soul "how I got over". You'll remember your pain, but theirs will be your focus. And for just a moment you'll almost be glad you had the experience needed to come to their aid.

Kathy

[Ashamed to register]

Just wanted to drop a note to say thanks to everyone who posted encouragement. It has been about 3 1/2 months now and I am still surviving.

Lurking around this board I learned and experimented with my equipment and mask until I think the cpap therapy is maybe 75% effective. The depression has lightened considerably and very seldom do I have suicidal thoughts. I think I would not be living today without this forum.

Now I think 99% of my mental problems were due to the effects of apnea.

I still don't feel like writing anything but this short note. Hopefully in the coming months I will continue to improve. The biggest problem now is fatigue despite sticking to my cpap therapy, good exercise program, good diet and good sleep hygiene (I learned most of this here). I hope this fatigue problem will gradually abate.

[krousseau]

Hi-it is good to hear from you! Sounds like you are doing a lot of work and come a long way!
It also sounds as if you are plugging away with all this by yourself. I do hope you are getting some "live" support - besides the forum. How is your spouse dealing with your process? When you can share some more info about the 75% effective cpap therapy-maybe you can get some ideas for the other 25%.