OT: Need prayers

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BlackSpinner
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OT: Need prayers

Post by BlackSpinner » Thu Mar 05, 2015 11:44 am

Cpap therapy doesn't help if you can't sleep.

My mother is slipping into the palliative care stage - We can handle that, what I can't handle is my father.

I moved here 3 years ago to look after them and my sister. Things were difficult but manageable.

However ever since Dad ended up in the hospital in December he has gotten more forgetful and paranoid and emotionally abusive especially about money. It has gotten to the point where I have called the case worker because I refuse to be treated this way. She will be here tomorrow but of course she is not our regular case worker because she is away on holiday. I am at the point of taking my sister and moving out. My health is suffering and I am falling apart. Since December I have driven him to innumerable doctors, cardiologists, pacemaker clinic and physio appointments and in one breathe he is saying "Thank you for doing all this" an hour later he is cursing me because I won't dig his scooter out of the garage - it is winter here and bloody cold - so he can have "exercise" - right sitting on a scooter at -10c trying to drive on icy ruts will give him exercise. He is constantly hassling my sister so that she is now totally wracked with stress related migraines and what little time I had while she took over is now gone.

I need to solve this and stay here for my mother without destroying my health.

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Bill44133
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Re: OT: Need prayers

Post by Bill44133 » Thu Mar 05, 2015 11:51 am

I know and understand and have gone through all that you are experiencing now, and it is hell and talk about a labor of love.

You have my prayers... Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. You will just have to grow thicker skin, and remember how much they loved and labored for you
growing up. This will be the toughest period in your life to get through. Stay strong and healthy you are going to need it.


I wish you well...

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49er
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Re: OT: Need prayers

Post by 49er » Thu Mar 05, 2015 11:56 am

BlackSpinner wrote:Cpap therapy doesn't help if you can't sleep.

My mother is slipping into the palliative care stage - We can handle that, what I can't handle is my father.

I moved here 3 years ago to look after them and my sister. Things were difficult but manageable.

However ever since Dad ended up in the hospital in December he has gotten more forgetful and paranoid and emotionally abusive especially about money. It has gotten to the point where I have called the case worker because I refuse to be treated this way. She will be here tomorrow but of course she is not our regular case worker because she is away on holiday. I am at the point of taking my sister and moving out. My health is suffering and I am falling apart. Since December I have driven him to innumerable doctors, cardiologists, pacemaker clinic and physio appointments and in one breathe he is saying "Thank you for doing all this" an hour later he is cursing me because I won't dig his scooter out of the garage - it is winter here and bloody cold - so he can have "exercise" - right sitting on a scooter at -10c trying to drive on icy ruts will give him exercise. He is constantly hassling my sister so that she is now totally wracked with stress related migraines and what little time I had while she took over is now gone.

I need to solve this and stay here for my mother without destroying my health.
I am so sorry to hear this BS. A good friend went through the same thing with her mom and she experienced h-ll. I really feel for you.

Unfortunately, I have no good advice other than to offer works of support and comfort to you and hope that you can find a way to resolve things without your health being destroyed.

HUGS!

49er

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Sir NoddinOff
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Re: OT: Need prayers

Post by Sir NoddinOff » Thu Mar 05, 2015 11:59 am

Shooting some prayers and good thoughts your way... I hope your family situation improves, plus remember snow and ice can't last forever (can it? )

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Re: OT: Need prayers

Post by LSAT » Thu Mar 05, 2015 12:48 pm

Your father doesn't realize it, but he and your mother are lucky to have you close by.

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Re: OT: Need prayers

Post by Madalot » Thu Mar 05, 2015 12:54 pm

I'm so sorry, Blackspinner. Will keep you and your family in my thoughts. Sending positive thoughts and wishes for a solution.

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Re: OT: Need prayers

Post by kaiasgram » Thu Mar 05, 2015 1:07 pm

Prayers for you and your family Lena.

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Re: OT: Need prayers

Post by OkyDoky » Thu Mar 05, 2015 1:19 pm

For the last 3 years of my mother's life, I had to make a lot of difficult decisions that involved a lot of hard work. My only sister opposed me every step of the way without any useful suggestions. This was before I was diagnosed with SA and my health was really suffering. The only way I survived was through the support and prayers of my husband and friends.

A parent is always a parent. I remember I used to cringe when my mother would tell me something to do instead of asking, after all I was an adult! Now I'm missing my parents. So think on the good things in life that they gave you, protect your health, and find a local support system. I will remember you in the coming months in my prayers.
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Re: OT: Need prayers

Post by BlackSpinner » Thu Mar 05, 2015 1:36 pm

Thank you everyone

I was feeling very lost and alone and sick and trapped between a rock and a hard place.

The case worker also called back and will do a bunch of assessments on everyone and try to figure out a way to provide more support for me.

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SleepDisturbed
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Re: OT: Need prayers

Post by SleepDisturbed » Thu Mar 05, 2015 1:48 pm

Sorry, but I don't know the background, but has your father been evaluated for dementia? A lot of what you describe might be a result of some form of dementia. My mother exhibited a lot of bizarre behavior with paranoia, aggressiveness, etc. eventually ending up in a geriatric psych ward after she tried to burn down the house. Turns out she has Alzheimer's and that was the root cause. Once she got the right treatments, the situation got much better.

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Re: OT: Need prayers

Post by Darth Lady » Thu Mar 05, 2015 1:54 pm

SleepDisturbed wrote:Sorry, but I don't know the background, but has your father been evaluated for dementia? A lot of what you describe might be a result of some form of dementia. My mother exhibited a lot of bizarre behavior with paranoia, aggressiveness, etc. eventually ending up in a geriatric psych ward after she tried to burn down the house. Turns out she has Alzheimer's and that was the root cause. Once she got the right treatments, the situation got much better.
Sadly, I would say the same. I've spent the last three years trying to stop my brother from stealing my mother's money...she has completely turned against me, doesn't want me in her life, and bad mouths me to all and sundry. But she has Alzheimer's, and my only comfort is that I did the right thing in intervening, whether she wanted me to or not. I'm sure that if our parents had a magic telescope and could have seen this coming years ago, they would be horrified. But it is what it is now, and all we can do is our best, and do the right and the good. Blackspinner, you have my thoughts and prayers.

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Re: OT: Need prayers

Post by BlackSpinner » Thu Mar 05, 2015 2:47 pm

SleepDisturbed wrote:Sorry, but I don't know the background, but has your father been evaluated for dementia?
That is happening tomorrow or early next week so probably things will get worse before they get better. My mother has had dementia now for many years and was evaluated at 18 months old over a year ago. Hers was a different lead up - the house is filled up with gnomes, trolls, fairies and dragons - "ooh sparkly - let's buy it".

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Re: OT: Need prayers

Post by Punchyandtired » Thu Mar 05, 2015 3:00 pm

I'm really sorry to hear this. Please take care of YOU during this time. HUGS
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Re: OT: Need prayers

Post by kteague » Thu Mar 05, 2015 3:16 pm

Such a difficult time for you! Glad to hear a caseworker is going to help you sort through things, and I sure hope they have suggestions that give you some relief. A family member has been going through this with their in-laws while trying to care for both parents with dementia. The dynamic between the parents made a difficult situation worse. Nothing easy about any of this. Sure hope at least a degree of relief is on the way.

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Re: OT: Need prayers

Post by M'ohms » Thu Mar 05, 2015 3:18 pm

Bill44133 wrote:I know and understand and have gone through all that you are experiencing now, and it is hell and talk about a labor of love.

You have my prayers... Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. You will just have to grow thicker skin, and remember how much they loved and labored for you
growing up. This will be the toughest period in your life to get through. Stay strong and healthy you are going to need it.


I wish you well...
A lot of us are in the phase of our lives where we are taking care of parents. I look at it as Bill so eloquently put it. I also remind myself that this new behavior isn't my parent--it's the condition of their health. At the end of the day, I feel stronger for making it through, and have a sense of satisfaction that I am doing the right thing.

My prayers are with you!

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