Asshats, unite!

General Discussion on any topic relating to CPAP and/or Sleep Apnea.
Bbecker223
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by Bbecker223 » Wed Jan 21, 2015 4:36 pm

I'm a newbie. I'm an asshat. I'm proud.

Sleeprider
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by Sleeprider » Wed Jan 21, 2015 4:37 pm

Let me get this right...

Next time I call you an asshat, that's a complement, right? Image

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ChicagoGranny
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by ChicagoGranny » Wed Jan 21, 2015 4:39 pm

Sleeprider wrote:Let me get this right...

Next time I call you an asshat, that's a complement, right? Image
Not if you want a free oil change.

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mossytreesprite
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by mossytreesprite » Wed Jan 21, 2015 4:49 pm

So, as a relative "newbie", I am going to add my two cents here, after which you all may hate me (if you don't already), run me out of town, and I'll never post on this forum again. From my perspective from the first time I posted on this forum, it scared me off for months. I am relatively young (>40) and all of a sudden I find out I have severe central sleep apnea, which I know next to nothing about, and my oxygen dipped to 62% overnight. I was as freaked out and fog-headed as I could be - recently separated, worried about losing my job because I couldn't think to string two sentences together as a science writer, and in a lot of physical pain. I posted on this forum in a desperate plea for help - I was scared sh*tless and I didn't know what to do. What ensued was an extensive argument between posters about advice proffered (little of which had much to with my query) and one person exasperatedly said something along the lines of "how can I possibly help you if you don't load all of your data and your equipment information, blah blah blah" I barely knew what a cpap was at that point, how was I supposed to know how to do all of that!?!
I will say that since then, I have grown to enjoy this forum a great deal, and I find many of the posts very funny and interesting. I've also spent a LOT of time researching OSA and CSA, and I have often found the answer I was looking for right here - sometimes from questions I've posed and others from searching and reading past posts. Have I posted redundant questions and comments? of course I have! I'm only human, not a computer or encyclopedia. I'm not super well-versed in forums, but this one isn't too bad (I once posted on an ebay forum, and holy cow moses - I was afraid those guys were going to hunt me down and fry me on their $29.95 +s/h grills). I do think I know which thread the OP is referring to, and I think both sides have a point, but I do think, and this is just my perspective, when I posted the first time (which is always the scariest), I felt more upset than when I started (and believe me, I was a total wreck). I know that there are supportive people here, both with humor and with concern, but when you first start, you just don't know that, so I do understand the point of being gentle with new people on here - even if just for that special "first time." Thick skin is a good quality to have, but there are times in life where it is hard to come by, and receiving a diagnosis that requires you to wear a Darth Vader mask for the rest of your life should qualify as one of those...
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ChicagoGranny
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by ChicagoGranny » Wed Jan 21, 2015 4:54 pm

mossytreesprite wrote:What ensued was an extensive argument between posters about advice proffered
In your very first post you were unfortunate enough to come across that idiot avi123.

old dude
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by old dude » Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:03 pm

mossytreesprite wrote:So, as a relative "newbie", I am going to add my two cents here, after which you all may hate me (if you don't already), run me out of town, and I'll never post on this forum again. From my perspective from the first time I posted on this forum, it scared me off for months. I am relatively young (>40) and all of a sudden I find out I have severe central sleep apnea, which I know next to nothing about, and my oxygen dipped to 62% overnight. I was as freaked out and fog-headed as I could be - recently separated, worried about losing my job because I couldn't think to string two sentences together as a science writer, and in a lot of physical pain. I posted on this forum in a desperate plea for help - I was scared sh*tless and I didn't know what to do. What ensued was an extensive argument between posters about advice proffered (little of which had much to with my query) and one person exasperatedly said something along the lines of "how can I possibly help you if you don't load all of your data and your equipment information, blah blah blah" I barely knew what a cpap was at that point, how was I supposed to know how to do all of that!?!
I will say that since then, I have grown to enjoy this forum a great deal, and I find many of the posts very funny and interesting. I've also spent a LOT of time researching OSA and CSA, and I have often found the answer I was looking for right here - sometimes from questions I've posed and others from searching and reading past posts. Have I posted redundant questions and comments? of course I have! I'm only human, not a computer or encyclopedia. I'm not super well-versed in forums, but this one isn't too bad (I once posted on an ebay forum, and holy cow moses - I was afraid those guys were going to hunt me down and fry me on their $29.95 +s/h grills). I do think I know which thread the OP is referring to, and I think both sides have a point, but I do think, and this is just my perspective, when I posted the first time (which is always the scariest), I felt more upset than when I started (and believe me, I was a total wreck). I know that there are supportive people here, both with humor and with concern, but when you first start, you just don't know that, so I do understand the point of being gentle with new people on here - even if just for that special "first time." Thick skin is a good quality to have, but there are times in life where it is hard to come by, and receiving a diagnosis that requires you to wear a Darth Vader mask for the rest of your life should qualify as one of those...
Much, if not most of what you say is valid. But you must remember that we've all been there too. Before therapy, it literally took me until 3:00-4:00 pm daily for the fog to lift enough that I might have a few productive hours.

But here's the thing: if one has wits enough about him to sign up for an internet forum and subsequently post for help, that same person should have enough wits about him to not succumb to hysteria. And for goodness sake, if you're going to be thin skinned you should probably turn your computer in to Al Gore and never log in again. An internet forum is no place for for someone to have delicate feelings, even a "nice" forum such as this one.

To be repetitive, in one form or another we've all been there.

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kteague
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by kteague » Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:09 pm

In the same way newbies will run into all sorts of personalities here, those same newbies will come in the same varieties - except they will likely arrive sleep deprived, cognitively impaired, emotionally fraught, mentally overwhelmed and physically depleted. In my "old" age I'm trying to be less flippant (under the guise of being witty), and try to look closer before jumping to conclusions about a poster's whining or lack of follow through. Some are doing the best they can with what they've got to work worth. I think the hardest to be patient with are at both extremes - the ones so passive they are pathetic, and the ones so stuck in high gear they are unable to slow down enough to hear sound advice. Sadly, those at the extremes need help the most, as they are most unable for whatever reasons to help themselves. I don't have a problem with a 2x4 approach. Sometimes it's needed to pierce the veil of oblivion. Even sarcasm doesn't bother me. What does bother me is when it turns into a piling on of personal attacks. And one can see it coming so predictably. One snide remark and there's a piling on of attackers. Even in football that's an offense. In my mind it is akin to a stoning, where everyone pummels the offender until the death blow. Guess that works where death is the intent, but that is not the spirit of this forum. BTW, in my view there's a big difference between a smarta$$ and an a$$hole. Not sure where an a$$hat fits along the a$$ spectrum.

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Sir NoddinOff
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by Sir NoddinOff » Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:12 pm

All I can say is that I really miss Pugsy. Knowledgeable, fair, non-judgmental and most of all, polite... however she could be fairly tough when absolutely required.

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mossytreesprite
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by mossytreesprite » Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:23 pm

I get it, OD, I really do. To be more accurate, I wasn't upset, per se, after reading the comments of my first post, and I just looked back at it for a refresher (you are correct, CG, it was Avi123 who caused all the ruckus), really I just felt like there was a lot of bickering (which does seem to be somewhat of a sport here from time to time) and at the time, it made me dislike this forum. I've had high and low experiences with forums - but that is to be expected in any medium where there is relative anonymity for the users. Why be polite if no one knows who you are? It's not like you'll get grounded or lose a member from your weekly bowling league... For me, it just feels wrong to greet a person who is having a rough time with snark. The sense of humor definitely suffers when sleep-deprived.
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Janknitz
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by Janknitz » Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:25 pm

Some people really do need a good swift kick in the pants, and what I love about this forum is that they usually get it--sometimes from me. And there's no bossypants moderators around to stop it, either, neener, neener.

OTOH, some are little tiny baby newbies who don't even know how to wipe their own snot noses, and they sometimes need a bit of handholding just until they get their feet under them. Sometimes we scare them away (and sometimes they're too dumb for their own good and run away whether invited to or not).

The trick is to know the difference and treat accordingly. Some people here don't seem to be able to modulate their responses when it's called for. When we really could have been a help to a clueless newbie, that's just sad.
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SleepDisturbed
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by SleepDisturbed » Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:36 pm

You so called hard cases are cupcakes.

I have been abused by real professionals, people like Marine DI's, money hungry corporate bosses, and my mother. None of you even get to first level dick head status.

You are going to have to really hone your skills to even get an "asshole" badge.


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kaiasgram
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by kaiasgram » Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:37 pm

Sir NoddinOff wrote:All I can say is that I really miss Pugsy. Knowledgeable, fair, non-judgmental and most of all, polite... however she could be fairly tough when absolutely required.
I'm with you Sir. And I miss Dori's voice on the forum too.

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tuzacat
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by tuzacat » Wed Jan 21, 2015 6:39 pm

I have to tell you I was on cpap for over a year before I found out I could check the data on my machine. I found out from this forum that other people were doing that and Pugsy was kind enough to walk me through it. And she really did walk me through it cause I didn't even know what an SD card was. What an eye opener! Who knew? I tune in here regularly - sometimes for research, sometimes to ask a question, sometimes just to read what other folks are going through just to know I am not alone. I don't pipe in much cause I am not an expert and most know more than I do on Cpap topics. However, I get a great kick out of the variety of personalities! You all make me laugh on a regular basis! This forum is just a slice of life - everyone expresses themselves differently.

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palerider
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by palerider » Wed Jan 21, 2015 7:09 pm

one other aspect that hasn't been touched on here is that we aren't the only source of information about cpap on the whole internet, we're just the best source.

and, I think that part of the reason is the fact that we're not overmoderated, we don't have a dozen categories for posts to be in, we don't have people going around smacking our hands (though lord knows there's a few that WISH they could do).

if someone can't take the wild wild west of cpap info, then there ARE other, tamer, lamer places that they can go, where nobody can say something mean and it's all roses and kittens.

surprisingly, I'm not advocating being mean to every newbie that comes in, or just being an asshole to each other for the hell of it, no... but if someone comes in and goes "WAAAAH! YOU WEREN'T SWEET AND KIND TO ME WHEN YOU ANSWERED!" well, there's other places they can go till they find that they can't get all the answers they want there, then they can toughen up a bit, and come back here.

yeah, I'm rambling... so sue me.

this place is 'effin special... don't muck it up by trying to make it all things to all people, that just won't work.

oh, yeah, and all the "oh, the poor pitiful newbies with their apnea brain fog can't figure things out", bs... who logged 'em into the internet and found this place? if they're that bad off, then let their minder hold their hands... really, you must be this tall to ride, and just having been able to FIND this place shows a certain level of cognitive ability.

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KC119
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Re: Asshats, unite!

Post by KC119 » Wed Jan 21, 2015 7:27 pm

I'm new & I love this. Keep tellin' like it is. I appreciate it.

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