Wife is going to leave me I keep falling asleep

[AlabamaAl]

Sadly, it seems that your wife is just looking for an excuse to justify leaving you to herself. Do what you have to do for your own health, and peace of mind. No one can walk in your shoes, not even her.

[TankerBell]

Looks like I have a new favorite song, even though I am not ready by any means to give my wife the boot. I do love her, and we have had a rocky relationship in the past (also health related) and got through it. She says she gets angry because she wants to spend time with me, and then lashes out when I doze off out of frustration. She often accuses me of not being a good father and husband because I am "not taking good care of myself,' so I 'won't be around for the future.' My mom had a stroke at 45 that left her disabled. She does call me bad names like 'fat ass' when I decide to try to defend myself or if I try to deflect her anger with my own brand of humor. That really hurts me to be called that since she knows I struggle. She thinks it is motivation. She wanted me to sleep on the couch last night but now that I have a CPAP in the bedroom, she can't really get rid of me so easily. What can I say!? My life is a total mess...

[TankerBell]

I am glad to hear other people have been through what I am going through. I am currently getting 7.5 hrs most nights with the CPAP. I did feel a little more energetic the first couple days of therapy but pretty quickly went back to where I was. My AHI levels went from the low 2s those first few days up to 7 by this past weekend. I have made some adjustments to pressure settings with doctor's blessing and AHI for last night was 3. I will post my Sleepyhead reports tonight so maybe you guys can help me tweak my therapy for optimum energy. I had to get to work early today for training (I am the development director for a nonprofit that serves about 120 adults with intellectual disabilities. We are a comprehensive program that assists these individuals with daily living needs, vocational rehab, and health, among other things).

Nicely said, Nate. +1

Title says it all. I can't stay awake. Wife is fed up and bored with me. Been on CPAP for almost two weeks with no improvement. What can I do!? I can't help falling asleep. Wife gave me an ultimatum on my falling asleep which is why I went to sleep doc in the first place. Should I ask doc about Nuvigil at least temporarily?

The fact that she is not standing by you as you struggle with a significant health problem suggests that there are a lot more problems in your relationship with her than this one, in which case I would suggest that you concentrate on your health problems and accept the probability that the relationship is probably over and that new opportunities for happiness will open up in the future with someone more worthy of you.

Best wishes, Nate

Title says it all. I can't stay awake. Wife is fed up and bored with me. Been on CPAP for almost two weeks with no improvement. What can I do!? I can't help falling asleep. Wife gave me an ultimatum on my falling asleep which is why I went to sleep doc in the first place. Should I ask doc about Nuvigil at least temporarily?

That's one uncaring wife. You have a disease. It can't be cured by getting skinny (some ppl can). She married you.. Sickness and in health.

2 weeks isn't enough time. You need 2 MONTHS. I saw energy levels within 2 days

But 10 non cpap sleep hrs is worse than 5 with a cpap

You need to get 5-8 hrs cpap hrs a night. After a month, I started falling asleep during the day constantly. My body was FINALLy get good sleep and wanted to play catch up

I know the post isn't new. I hope she stuck around, but when a spouse is just put on a cpap, the other should get instant relief from:
Snoring
You spayung spittle all over at night
They can sleep better

That should be MORE THAN ENOUGH

Your wife needs to chill. My husband (yes I'm a guy) was fed up of 12 yrs of snoring , etc, and was overjoyed that the above list was instantly gone

The constant nodding off in the day, dropping things irritated him, but he understood, and stuck through it. He did nag, and get irritated at first but I put my foot down. I said: DEAL WITH IT AND BE HAPPY SO MANY OTHER THUNGS ARE FIXED..then I reminded him of our marriage vows. That was the end of fl

[Julie]

Hi, I can't remember if this ever came up, but have you ever tried a (well fitted) full face mask, just in case you're losing therapy air that way?

[TankerBell]

Hi, I can't remember if this ever came up, but have you ever tried a (well fitted) full face mask, just in case you're losing therapy air that way?

My leak rates have been pretty good so far from what I can read on Sleepyhead. I use a nasal pillow resmed mask (I believe it's called the Airfit P10 Nasal Pillow mask) and a chin strap to keep my mouth closed. I will post my reports tonight after dinner, as long as my wife doesn't give me too hard a time about taking some time to post them on here. I may have to wait until Wednesday evening when she goes to work if she raises too much of a stink this evening about me taking time away from family to post this stuff (she doesn't like when I use technology while she isn't working).

Here is what my stats looked like a few days ago (I posted this earlier in my first thread):

[/quote]

I ended up raising my minimum pressure to 6 and max to 10. Slept with the max at 10 for the first time last night, but my wife complained of some snoring early this morning. Not sure what my AHI was for last night. When I started the therapy on Oct. 3, my AHI for several days was ~2. It then went up after I got sick with viral pharyngitis to around 7 for a few days. It then went down to 3. The other night it went back up to 7 and I had a large cluster of apneaic events around 3 a.m., which is what prompted me to call my doctor about getting the pressure changed (since the pressure of 8 didn't break up that event). He allowed me to raise it to 10. Here is a link to one graph showing that cluster of events (I also posted this earlier in my first thread here at CPAPtalk.com):



My untreated AHI was 67.

[andy88488]

Hi, I can't remember if this ever came up, but have you ever tried a (well fitted) full face mask, just in case you're losing therapy air that way?

My leak rates have been pretty good so far from what I can read on Sleepyhead. I use a nasal pillow resmed mask (I believe it's called the Airfit P10 Nasal Pillow mask) and a chin strap to keep my mouth closed. I will post my reports tonight after dinner, as long as my wife doesn't give me too hard a time about taking some time to post them on here. I may have to wait until Wednesday evening when she goes to work if she raises too much of a stink this evening about me taking time away from family to post this stuff (she doesn't like when I use technology while she isn't working).

Here is what my stats looked like a few days ago (I posted this earlier in my first thread):

I ended up raising my minimum pressure to 6 and max to 10. Slept with the max at 10 for the first time last night, but my wife complained of some snoring early this morning. Not sure what my AHI was for last night. When I started the therapy on Oct. 3, my AHI for several days was ~2. It then went up after I got sick with viral pharyngitis to around 7 for a few days. It then went down to 3. The other night it went back up to 7 and I had a large cluster of apneaic events around 3 a.m., which is what prompted me to call my doctor about getting the pressure changed (since the pressure of 8 didn't break up that event). He allowed me to raise it to 10. Here is a link to one graph showing that cluster of events (I also posted this earlier in my first thread here at CPAPtalk.com):



My untreated AHI was 67.[/quote]

Just my 2 cents from my own experience. First of all, I'm sorry. This really sucks. My experience is that bed partners CAN be put off by CPAP equipment. It is decidedly unromantic. That said, my current girlfriend, who I think will be permanent, loves to sleep with her head on my shoulder and doesn't think twice about the mask or any of that stuff. One of the many reasons she is a keeper!!

Second, I am DELIGHTED that you have an APAP! I started with a CPAP machine and I still napped almost every evening. Once I switched to APAP, I stopped napping, and almost never fall asleep unless I choose to or feel that I need to. And that is once in a great while.

My suggestion would be to put the machine in APAP mode, with no maximum pressure limit, and see how you do. Like you, I tolerate CPAP extremely well, and it doesn't bother me when the pressure gets higher.

I started my treatment because I snored horribly (or if you prefer, I snored extremely well! ). When I was using a straight CPAP, my then girlfriend reported that the snoring was lessened but not eliminated. Using an APAP with no maximum pressure set, I don't snore. Oh, Sleepyhead reports "snores", but my girlfriend says she never hears them.

Relationship-wise, my suggestion would be that you need to treat yourself for your own reasons. You need to get better, treat your apnea, lessen your pre-sleep naps, not to please your wife, but to fix your life! If she stays or goes, you still need to do these things. And if you lose weight, again, you help yourself. Do what you need to do, for YOU, and let the chips fall where they may. I have been divorced, twice. It is no fun, but it is not the end of the world, and your wife's attitude is highly problematic.

Take care, be well, take care of yourself!

Andy

[TankerBell]

Just my 2 cents from my own experience. First of all, I'm sorry. This really sucks. My experience is that bed partners CAN be put off by CPAP equipment. It is decidedly unromantic. That said, my current girlfriend, who I think will be permanent, loves to sleep with her head on my shoulder and doesn't think twice about the mask or any of that stuff. One of the many reasons she is a keeper!!

Second, I am DELIGHTED that you have an APAP! I started with a CPAP machine and I still napped almost every evening. Once I switched to APAP, I stopped napping, and almost never fall asleep unless I choose to or feel that I need to. And that is once in a great while.

My suggestion would be to put the machine in APAP mode, with no maximum pressure limit, and see how you do. Like you, I tolerate CPAP extremely well, and it doesn't bother me when the pressure gets higher.

I started my treatment because I snored horribly (or if you prefer, I snored extremely well! ). When I was using a straight CPAP, my then girlfriend reported that the snoring was lessened but not eliminated. Using an APAP with no maximum pressure set, I don't snore. Oh, Sleepyhead reports "snores", but my girlfriend says she never hears them.

Relationship-wise, my suggestion would be that you need to treat yourself for your own reasons. You need to get better, treat your apnea, lessen your pre-sleep naps, not to please your wife, but to fix your life! If she stays or goes, you still need to do these things. And if you lose weight, again, you help yourself. Do what you need to do, for YOU, and let the chips fall where they may. I have been divorced, twice. It is no fun, but it is not the end of the world, and your wife's attitude is highly problematic.

Take care, be well, take care of yourself!

Andy

So to put the machine in AutoPAP, do I just raise the maximum pressure to its highest setting or do I actually put the thing into AutoPAP via the clinician's menu somewhere?

[Sheriff Buford]

I'd start out with a lower pressure of 6 and upper pressure of 15 or 16. The upper pressure setting is not important unless it is too low. The machine will only increase enough it needs to treat the apnea... then it will ramp down.

As far as the wife.... dump her like a bag of rocks. If she is like this now, what do you think she'll be like in 10 or 20 years?

Sheriff

[fdw]

So to put the machine in AutoPAP, do I just raise the maximum pressure to its highest setting or do I actually put the thing into AutoPAP via the clinician's menu somewhere?

You have to put the machine in AUTO mode.

I thought you said you had the Minimum set to 6.0 and 10.0 Maximum???? Confused? Are you not already in AUTO mode, or are you talking about 6.0 as your START pressure in CPAP mode?

[andy88488]

So to put the machine in AutoPAP, do I just raise the maximum pressure to its highest setting or do I actually put the thing into AutoPAP via the clinician's menu somewhere?

I'm not sure how to work your machine. The Sleepyhead report said you were on straight CPAP (one pressure), but when you talked about having a minimum and maximum pressure set, that would suggest that you may already be in APAP mode.

Okay, well a quick Google search found these instructions:

Fisher & Paykel ICON Auto, Premo & Novo: Start from the 12 o'clock position of the Home Screen. Press and hold the button in the middle of the SmartDial, and use your other hand to turn the SmartDial in a clockwise direction until you return to the 12 o'clock postion. Do not release the Smart Dial button while turning. Turn the SmartDial back (counter clockwise) one position while still holding down the button and the settings in the Clinician Menu will appear. You can now release the SmartDial button. NOTE: The Clinician Menu will default back to the Patient Menu after 30 seconds, or if the unit is turned off at the power supply. You can manually exit the Clinician Menu by repeating the instructions to enter the menu.

Here: http://www.apneaboard.com/adjust-cpap-p ... tup-manual

Hope this helps!!

[chunkyfrog]

Document all incidents of her opposing your therapy. You might need it.

[palerider]

it would help if you'd post a full shot of your last nights data.

turn off the calendar, click the details tab.

show the event flags, flow, pressure, leaks, graphs, at least.

turn off the right panel if it's showing so that there's more graph showing.

[andy88488]

Document all incidents of her opposing your therapy. You might need it.

I can't speak for his state (because I don't know what state he's in) but in NJ, that wouldn't make a difference. NJ is a "no fault" state.

[TankerBell]

It is indeed in APAP mode even though sleepyhead shows otherwise. I will turn the max pressure up to 15 tonight. I will try to post stats this evening when I'm at home. If I can't tonight, I definitely will be able to do so tomorrow evening.

[Nick Danger]

I am not siding with your wife at all - if she wants to be with you and be happy being with you, she will need to change the way she thinks about things. However, I do agree with those who point out that the entire family suffers when one of its members has untreated sleep apnea. Her sleep is also disturbed by the snoring. Her life is also a mess because her partner is constantly falling asleep. Your entire family's lives are at risk if they are in the car when you are driving. It may be her accumulated sleep deprivation and the frustration that she is feeling that leads to her judgmental statements. My wife was thrilled when I began treatment - at first because she could sleep at night without constantly being awakened by my snoring and then later when she realized that I was no longer a zombie. She was firm about my need for treatment and never as judgmental as you have described - but I could tell that she was very frustrated.

The best thing you can do for you and your wife is continue to fine-tune the treatment and take care of yourself. Hopefully as she continues to find her sleep improving and sees your energy start to come back she will quit striking out in frustration. If she continues to be judgmental, then you will have to decide what you can accept and what you can't accept. It is very easy for those of us on the sidelines to urge you to do one thing or another - we don't have to live with the consequences. I think you seeing a marital therapist as a couple would be a good move.

Good luck and keep up the great effort!!!